OH the INJURIES!

Recently a certain type of phenomenon has taken place in my life. I call it "injurious behaviourus." Or simply, beating the snot out of myself. Let me explain with the following examples:

1) The Water Incident

Picture the sun shining warm on Prineville resevoir. The lake is empty as most people are working. We are not:) It's Friday and wakeboarding is our aim. "Go big, or Go Home" is the theme. Testosterone is flowing. The airwaves are filled with sounds of hard hitting drums and squeeling guitar licks. It's perfect. Clif was just starting out and he surprised us all with his ability to ride. Dennis was driving and giving us pointers. A perfect day, for an incident.

It's goes like this...I was twenty feet in the air doing a whirly bird double sowcow with a half twist, a feat no other human being has attempted before. I crashed, and crashed hard. Now those of you who are not as educated as I am in the area of wakeboarding know how difficult this trick really is. I swing out wide, because I'm hitting the wake hard so I can go BIG! Now, I'm convinced that the Bigness was there. Clif and Dennis might not have seen it, but it was there. So I go big, and I crash hard, and I bend sideways in a spectacular spray of water. The ribs hurt, oh they hurt. I don't go to the doctor. I've told my friends time and again "not unless I've got a severed limb!" (last time I went to the ER it cost a fortune) So I crashed BIG and hurt BIG, and I went BIG and then went HOME.

2) The Golf Incident

My brother's bachelor party was a great one. We went to Portland and golfed at one of Portland's finest "Glendoveer West." Please keep in mind there was a sign outside of the Pro Shop that stated, "Please wear shirts inside pro shop." So you can imagine what the rest of the playing was like. My buddy Mike and I tee off on hole 7, not a difficult hole for most people, but let me remind you that this is an incident and in incident's nothing goes like you want it to. That would make it and incident inside of the greater "incident" know as this golf game. Let me get to the incident wrapped in the incident. So Mike and I tee off, we hit towards the right by the trees. My ball lands in front of his about 20 feet. The flag is way left of us so I'm thinking he's aiming there. I go stand by my ball and wait for his shot. I start putting on my sweatshirt in the middle of his swing, the sweatshirt is half on and I hear the whisk of a ball. Mike takes a full swing from 20 feet away and the ball hits right in my leg. This is sharp concentrated pain. I yell, "what happened to FOUR!" BIG pain, BIG bruise, all my friends are laughing. The main thing you must remember while golfing is, that "yes" it can actually hit you. You think it can't, but the golf ball has no regard for your feelings. When we play, it goes where it wants.

3) The Water Incident (part two)
Yeah, there are two of these. They both involve Wakeboarding and Dennis Sgetti's boat. So I try this new board called a "ROAM." It has no fins on the bottom so it's pretty squirly. You can bust out some sweet 360's outside the wake and do some butter slides and all that. They looked awesome when watching Tony. I thought I'd just give it a whirl. No more faking you out though with a huge description, instead I will use one word with a period and you will understand what happen. Start. Up. Slide. Turn. Cool. Again. Edge. Fall. Water. Face. Board. Face. Bleed. Nose. Cut. Ouch. Manly. Scar.

So I've been trying to keep the scar from being severe, but my modeling days are over:)


You may have felt one of the following while reading this:

a)Compassion - if you fall in this category, tears were shed at my pain. The agony I endured made you hurt right along with me. You are person who feels, who enjoys painting, poetry, and butterscotch ripple. You enjoy hot soup on a cold frosty night. You enjoy dancing in the rain. You feel alive.

b)Mockery - you have no heart. I will pray for you that you will get one. Just kidding, thanks for reading this. I got hurt a couple times but I'm healing up quick!